I posted this blog shortly after the Black Saturday Bushfire destroyed my home and changed life forever. My bushfire diary became a series of postings for one year, and was published on a domain www.raefrancescamorgan.com. Sadly, someone purchased that domain and now I can no longer use it, nor can any interested parties find those posts. I am now re posting my bushfire diary here. I will, no doubt, have need to continue my reflections on Black Saturday.
I have been looking back on my previous posts. That life last week, up until February the 7th, seems so distant already, and yet only 5 days have passed. Each dawn brings the fear of more bad news, more neighbours and friends who are dead. My dawns last week took me to the vegetable garden or fruit trees for the days picking, or the chookhouse to gather the eggs. So many beautiful dreams for the future of the vineyard, the olive trees. Colourful imaginings of salads of tomatoes in four colours. The figs, although the leaves had already dropped in the furious heat of the previous fortnight, clung bravely to the branches, reminding me each morning that autumn would be along soon and figs would be part of the menu or preserving plan. My partner had planted albarino grapes, he was excited by this Spanish variety as they are said to be drought resistant. Each morning or late evening he would move water from one dam to another to ensure that these new grape plantings would have sufficient water to survive this summer's blasting heat. This was our work, these dreams kept us too busy, we had hopes for a small wine making barn, we planned to preserve the tomatoes in the old Italian way, to breed prettier hens. To pickle our young olives. to cart our excess of produce to neighbours, family and friends. It was work, it was our identity. And that's what we lost in last week's inferno.
We are reminded daily of the horror that was last Saturday as the death toll rises. We grieve beside our friends, we hug neighbours and are so pleased to see them again as they walk into the Community Centre. We cry as we get over our embarrassment and accept donations. We laugh sometimes as we model our donated new or second hand clothes. We are overwhelmed by the generosity and the food that comes from unknown people who arrive at the community centres with car loads of items.
We eat food as a matter of course and are very grateful to be offered it from family and strangers. But nothing tastes the same anymore. Like travelling, you are always waiting to eat something that is normal, homely, nourishing. Displacement from a life, from a lifestyle is not about ownership, or things. It's an identity loss.
We are the lucky ones who left St Andrews early. Part of the nightmare puts me back in the house, unprepared for the inferno, like so many other poor souls who have lost their lives. I can't remove this fear, it's disabling.
6 comments:
Paige Dellamarta said...
Know that along with close family and friends, distant people in your life are thinking of you on a daily basis, and will be there long into the future for whatever you need.
10:19 AM
morgana said...
Thankyou Paige, I appreciate your kind thoughts and am daily overwhelmed by the generosity and good will shown by so many people.
1:29 PM
yuka said...
Rae,this is so shocking.Since R called me to tell about this,I've sometimes
come here to see the photoes and read your comments from japan.Now finally I
have to realize this is truly happened.I am so sad,really sad.I do want to
do something for you,but still can't find anything to do. I pray for you
every day.
5:50 PM
morgana said...
Dear Yuka, Thank you for your prayers and kindness. It is an awful tragedy, but even more so for the poor families who lost their loved ones in the fire. It was only a week earlier that we bought some extra buckets and I was hoping to paint them red to remind me of the red fire fighting buckets around Gujo-Hachiman. I also think of those lost souls from that fire so long ago in your village, and the talking rock. In this ferocious fire, however, the buckets would have been useless. The speed and intensity was extraordinary. It wont be long before I post some happier photos. We found a kangaroo and its baby on our property yesterday. It has burnt feet so can't jump to the dam for water. There is nothing left in the bush for the kangaroos to eat. We are determined to save this kanga and its baby. We will move a caravan onto the block so I can be there sometimes and we will slowly work out what to do. It might take two years. This blog site keeps me sane for some strange reason.
5:38 PM
Anonymous said...
How are you doing,Rae? The kangaroo and its baby still ok? When you can work for this blog,please let me know how and what you are doing. I am sorry not to find anything to do for you so far. the talking rock might tell me a good idea? yuka
12:46 AM
morgana said...
Hi Yuka, I am feeling much better today. Yesterday Australians had a National Day of Mourning to remember those who died on Feb 7th. Now it is two weeks ago and it feels like an eternity. I am ready to move on now. You might check out my new post of the picture of the baby kangaroo, entitled Hope and Recovery.
9:15 AM
